My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
