i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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