and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
