That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
