Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
