i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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