I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
