my vag is so smooth its legendary
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I have already put on my inside pants.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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