i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
