Apparently you make a good broom.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
