Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
