It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
