She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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