I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
