She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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