Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
