so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
