after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I need to calm my uterus...
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
