Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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