my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Fuck appropriateness.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
