Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
