Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
