I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
