Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
