this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
