I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
