So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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