there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
