; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
