i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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