I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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