Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
