I want to stick my p in your. b.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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