You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
