My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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