Need sex. Gaining weight.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
