Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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