please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
