We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
