Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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