is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
