I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
