Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
