do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
