I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
