She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
