the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
