i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
