i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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