Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
