Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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