I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
