She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
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